Lately, I have often come across the topic of unequal relations between an adult woman and a young guy. They ask me how I feel about this and what to do in such a situation? Let's look at an example from practice.
Once upon a time there was a teacher, an accomplished adult woman, had adult children. Every day she held classes with students. Everything in her life was measured and calm. She broke up with her husband because of constant conflicts and unwillingness to understand the reason for their occurrence. All her free time she was engaged in self-development and work, where she was happy to share her knowledge. The students loved and respected her.
And now there was a student who paid the most attention to her classes, asked questions and said a lot of interesting things himself. He began to ask for personal conversations, at which they found many common topics. I want you to notice that he could talk. Gradually, the general topics of conversation began to turn into more personal ones, where he began to tell her about his feelings. His attention and words created an illusion of a relationship. Although, most likely he believed what he was saying!
Then the next stage of the relationship begins. The young man became jealous of her other students, her work, her hobbies. He began to demand more and more attention and arrange scandals on this basis.
Let's reflect on this topic together.
There is an adult female figure with a great potential to "give" and a young man with a childish problem of dislike and a bunch of personal fears. How can the plot develop?
The relationship of two people is the relationship of two worlds. The most important thing is which program they interact with. These are the questions I asked at the beginning of the article. If the answers sound such concepts as Love, interaction, Happiness, Acceptance, Trust - then you are on the right track in a relationship. If the theme of fear sounds: the fear of loneliness, the fear of not being like everyone else, children's unprocessed fears - therefore, the partner activates your fears. There is a transfer to it, all your unfinished gestalts begin to pop up.
Options for the development of events
1. Take on the role of a "mother" and start "babysitting" and so that "he does not act up", does not make a row - fulfill all his requirements, thereby creating the illusion of love and tranquility. In Chinese philosophy it is said: "If you get involved with a baby, you will lose the mature ones." A woman can take care of him and support him, thereby cultivating infantilism in her partner, which leads to his inaction and irresponsibility, and later to a violation in the sexual sphere. Here a deep subconscious incest installation "they don't sleep with mom" will work. Most often, such relationships are based on the psychological trauma of childhood: dislike, lack of security, fear of adult relationships. As well as a sense of guilt, some unfinished situation still requires its punishment. It is necessary to realize that the partner is not you, he is not your mom or dad, this is an alien being from another world who has teamed up with you for some purpose and very possibly will part with you when the goal is achieved. If a young man "grows up" and wants to feel like a "man", then he will go into other "adult" relationships.
2. Relationships are built on the level of the soul, where everyone follows the spiritual joy. The same Chinese philosophy says even more interestingly: "If you get involved with a mature person, you will lose the baby, later you will search and find it." An adult woman with a rich inner world, with wise relationship building, will move from the role of a teacher to the role of a beloved woman, giving her chosen one the feeling of a real man – this will be the key to a long-term relationship, he will strive to grow to be a worthy partner. If his soul is based on the need to follow a higher, more developed, beautiful, and not on human ambition and greed. Sometimes it happens that a young guy will put an adult, seemingly mature, but selfish and narcissistic man behind his belt in terms of maturity of thinking, views, life experience, business acumen and caring for his beloved, who, apart from his ambitions, does not want to see and hear anything around him.
3. You can not enter into a relationship:
- Because of the lack of confidence in physical attractiveness. A woman is acutely experiencing aging. However, age does not affect sexual attraction and sensuality. A young man is considered a more active partner, which only has a positive effect on the continuation of offspring and on the state of the female body. However, it is necessary to really look at the situation, not to build illusions. This topic is well covered in the film "Pretend to be my boyfriend" (France, 2013), he is 18 and she is 38.
- Because of the fear of condemnation by society. Of course, people will discuss and condemn. This includes the closest and dearest. How will they perceive the situation?! And we all know how Anna Karenina's rejection by society ended.
However, the first shock of others will change to interest, then to acceptance and indifference - this is the law of rumor. An example of the relationship of Alla Pugacheva, Agatha Christie. .People will talk and switch to another topic, and someone will not dare to build a relationship, will not take their chance. It doesn't matter what others say, the main thing is what do you feel? How is it for you? If both partners value the relationship, it will help to overcome the condemnation of others. I know such a couple who lives and enjoys life. And here I want to quote the words of this woman: "I do not know how long we are destined to be together, I draw happiness not with spoons, but with ladles, and I'd rather remember it later!"
Such relations have been, are and will be. Love knows no age. The illusion of love will crumble, and true love, like a strong tree, cannot be uprooted.
I will be glad of your feedback and comments on this topic.